Loving My Husband

I originally wrote this in March, but for some reason didn't post it. Well, now I think it is time to post it.

The last four weeks I have been attending a study on learning to love my husband, taught by the leader of the women's ministry at our church. I've learned that the main part of being loving to my husband is respect. So many women don't respect their husbands. It is poured on us from all angles - just try to find a modern TV show that shows a husband as a strong man who is smart, wise, loved & respected by his children, and is not talked down to or made a fool of by his wife.

There is an email that goes around talking about how a wife was to be in the '50s. I've received it from a number of my friends and it is always, "Look at what was expected of a wife in those days, can you believe it??" Now, it has come to be known as a fabrication (click here), but I have always looked at that article and thought, that is the kind of wife I want to be.

After finishing the four week series on loving my husband, that article, fake though it may be, really is a picture of what a Godly wife should be. It is of a wife who loves and respects her husband.

Here is the text of the article:

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.


• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.


• Be a little gay [happy] and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.


• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.


• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.


• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.


• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.


• Be happy to see him.


• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.


• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.


• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.


• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.


• Don't greet him with complaints or problems.


• Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.


• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.


• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.


• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.


• A good wife always knows her place.

Tell me, what is wrong with any of those points? I think the 2nd to last one can be so easily misconstrued as being "slave master," but really, if God has put my husband in a position of responsibility of the house, I should trust God to take any errors in judgement that my husband makes and use them for good.

To me, it is such a relief that God has put James in the responsible position in the household. Head of Household: this is the person who is ultimately responsible for the way the house is run. I don't want to be the one responsible if something goes wrong. I don't want to be the one accountable to God for a household that is completely out of control and out of His will. I gladly give that burden to my husband.

The desire of a wife is for her husband, meaning she wants to control him. This is the curse that was put upon us in the Garden of Eden (along with childbearing). The curse of a husband is to care for his wife and work to earn a living. My difficulty lies in that, while I love that I am taking care of my home, I still want to be in control of it. This is not what God has planned for me. I am to - now here's a dirty word - submit to my husband. What does submit mean? It means to yield, as to authority; to present or propose; to defer to or consent to anothers authority; to subject to a condition (the metal was submitted for analysis). It is from the Latin for to lower and to send. Did you notice that it is a verb? It is an action that I have to choose whether or not to take.

When I became a Christian, I chose to submit myself to God. In doing so, I have submitted myself to God's authority over my life. When I got married, I continued to choose to submit myself to God's authority in my life, and therefore, chose to submit myself to the authority that He gave James in my life. This doesn't mean that I can't talk to James, submit my opinions to him (there's that word again) for discussion, disagree with him, or even get mad at him. Very simply, to me it means that I have chosen to give James the final say in everything. He asks for my opinion, I give it to him, and then when he asks what should be done, I remind him that he's heard my thoughts and now the final decision is up to him. And then I chose to give that decision to God to deal with. God is always good and we have never had more problems than we can handle.

One of the "revisions" of the above housewife article talked a lot about the wife having a few cocktails before the husband comes home, because that way she can fake being happy to see him. Smile at him sweetly and say "yes dear" in a sarcastic manner. Keep track of his where-abouts with GPS and hidden cameras. Let him stay out all night and let your lawyer take care of him.

No wonder 50% of all marriages fail - women have no respect for their husbands! I find it sickening, personally. I am not the perfect wife, I'm not pretending that I am (James will vouch for that!), but I want to be a Godly wife, and that is going to take a lot of work on my part. I think it is ridiculous that women are now taught that to be "equal" to men, we have to curse, tell dirty jokes, have a full-time job outside the home, dress provocatively, and try to seduce any man who comes our way, even if he's not our husband.

I like what pastor Brett says about 1 Peter 3:7. A woman is not weaker as in inferior, a better translation would be fragile. It's like drinking glasses. A man is like a beer mug: sturdy, made for pounding on the table, not necessarily something made for showing off. A woman is like a wine glass: you have to handle it with care, it's made for delicate wines, it's pretty to look at. Neither container is inferior to the other, they are just made for different things.

So, what does it mean to respect my husband? 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 says it all:

Love is always patient;
love is always kind;
love is never envious
or arrogant with pride.
Nor is she conceited,
and she is never rude;
she never thinks just of herself
or ever get annoyed.
She never is resentful;
is never glad with sin,
but always glad to side with truth,
whene'er the truth should win.a
She bears up under everything,
believes the best in all,
there is no limit to her hope,
and she will never fall.
Love never fails.

International Standard Version

To me personally, this means that I should let James finish his own sentences (I tend to finish them for him), I should NEVER talk about him in a negative way to ANYONE (if I have a problem, it is between him and me, and even though I'd love to have a sympathetic ear of one of my girlfriends, it is disrespectful of James, and it will only make them think negative thoughts about him), greet him immediately when he comes home and have the downstairs tidy (this basically means that the dishes are at least on the counter and there isn't a bunch of my junk sitting on the floor of the entry).

I'm so thankful that we go to a church where I can learn about being a Godly wife. Where I can surround myself with other women who want to be Godly wives. Where my following of the Bible is not seen as archaic. Where loving and respecting my husband is my first priority, besides loving God.