A Wasteland of Nothingness

Most people love newborn babies: the baby scent that only newborns have, the sweet way they sleep, their big eyes, they're pudgy rolls.

That's not me. I really don't like the newborn stage. I hate trying to figure out why she's crying because she's hungry, but won't eat. Trying to rock her to sleep while she's screaming. The blank stares that look past me and not at me. It's a nothing stage. Nothing happens. No personality. No acknowledgments. No responses other than crying.

Tonight was the last straw. She was ready to go to sleep after an hour and a half of feeding, and at 4:00 a.m., she spit up. Throw up, is more like it. Straight down my shirt, onto my pants. We were both soaking wet. So I did what any overtired mom would do, I cried.

I had to find replacement clothes that would fit my still pregnant looking body - in small supply, believe me. And in the dark because my husband was sleeping after a very late night at work. I even had to change my underwear. Then I had to change her completely and wipe her down with a wet cloth. She loved that. (If you can't tell, that was extreme sarcasm)

It's not the fact that she threw up on me - that was just the breaking point. It's everything. At this moment in time, I can honestly say that I hate the newborn stage. I love my daughter, I just wish I didn't have two more months of this nothingness to deal with.